It was in the winter of ’05, three days into the Bwork invasion, that two men met in the forest and changed the course of history.
Cooper? Cooper was a good man — but capable of terrible things. He’d recently hijacked a Bwork airship out of Imps Village and parachuted into the Evil Forest with a suitcase overstuffed with twenty kama Bworkette notes.
He needed a quick way to convert those notes to gold and other items for the day the Bworks would fall and he saw an opportunity in a chance meeting with a young enutrof who stopped to compliment his name.
Mr-Kobayashi was a young enforcer in those days. Running Euphoric Hemp for Kelar and her JTF henchmen and always looking for a quick kama on the side. Cooper suggested a dirt cheap deal on 600 cases of his recently brewed alchemists elixirs and promised to divert them from an all night Bwork Rave at the Astrub Zaap. The rub? Kobayashi would have to make a side deal to match gold Shika’s for Bworkette notes and he’d have to do it over night.
The fencing of the money was another bizarre story. While Cooper ran off and hid a great pot of gold Shika’s somewhere over the rainbow, Kobayashi went on a binge, buying everything in sight before the Bwork notes lost all their value.
3,000 cases of Bwork beer were shipped to Kyek and Oralind to celebrate their wedding. Word is ol’ blue balls got such a love for the stuff he never leveled again.
40,000 went for an inflatable Sargasse hammer squeaky toy. Kobayashi was soon banned from -2, 0 for bopping Soviet on the head with it and blaming the Love guild for putting him up to it. 10,000 paying members died in the fighting that followed that mess.
200,000 went to a share in a house in Sufokia. Purchased in the dead of night from PKU, the house was THE place to party, until someone stabled four JTF percs in there for a weekend. *hold your nose*. PKU vanished soon after. Turns out he’d sold us Soviet’s private meditation room.
60,000 went into a wabbit pet purchased on accident and given to a secret lover.
400,000 went toward daggerskill for the ex-wife who soon “took out” the secret lover.
Soon enough, like all binges, it was over. Kobayashi was penniless and constantly shoveling up after 16 bow meows he’d purchased in a last gamble to save his fortune.
But what about Cooper?
Cooper’s been on the run ever since. Days spent breathing through a straw, treading water under houses in Sufokia, living on rare scraps of news as others leveled like mad in the post Bwork revelry.
But the Bworks? Even when pushed all the way to Sidimote, their mages continued to preach hate filled lightening sermons against Cooper, the man they held responsible for their loss in the war.
Violet, ever faithful to her husband, had burned over 300 Bwork assassins in glyph traps on every map, but time was running out. Cooper’s only chance lay in a bid to grow his power to the point that he could hold his own against the best the Bworks could throw at him. Seeing an opportunity to escape, he and Vio made a desperate run for Cania with Cooper wearing a Tree Caska disguise.
And then salvation was at hand. A new beginning in a land of sugar Blops and and Crackler money. Kanigrou’s, foul snake worshippers, fell by the thousands, victim to Cooper’s gamble for 100.
And last week? Last week he got it!
All hail Cooper! The hero who wrecked the Bworks is finally safe!
P.S. Apologies to Cooper for the time this took. I partied so hard at the initial celebration that I passed out and didn’t come to until today when Vio glyphed my butt into action : )
P.P.S. Cooper’s just reached 100 with his jeweler. Word is that he and Vio are going to settle down somewhere on Wabbit Island where he plans to devote the rest of his days to whittling commemorative “Cooper Versus the Bworks” amulets out of dried cawwots. You too can have one for just 29.99 kamas + shipping and handling.
Awesome day in an Iop’s life
